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Trumpet
11 Mar
Is it a zoom session? I don't know how to use zoom. Is the date the 11th, and which time zone is 4 pm?
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
13 Mar
March 12 Timing If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed moment. —Joseph R. Sizoo Timing can be frustrating. We can wait and wait for something to happen, and it seems to be forever until it comes to pass. Or, suddenly, an event or circumstance is thrust upon us, catching us by surprise. Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect. Today, I will trust and work with Divine Order. I will accept the timing in my life today and in my past as being perfect. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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PopcornGuide
13 Mar
Hey Everyone. @norma-brown just joined the group. Please join me in welcoming them and introducing yourself here!
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
14 Mar
March 13 Clarity and Direction In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on God’s guidance, we sometimes don’t understand what’s going on in our life. We trust, wait, pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come. During those times, we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even though that place may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our life does have purpose and direction. We are being changed, healed, and transformed at levels deeper than we can imagine. Good things, beyond our capacity to imagine, are being prepared and brought to us. We are being led and guided. We can become peaceful. We do not have to act in haste or urgency just to relieve our discomfort, just to get an answer. We can wait until our mind is peaceful. We can wait for clear direction. Clarity will come. The answer will come, and it will be good for us and those around us. Today, God, help me know I am being guided into what’s good about life, especially when I feel confused and without direction. Help me trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent. Help me know that clarity will come. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
15 Mar
March 15 Removing the Victim “Don’t others see how much I’m hurting?” “Can’t they see I need help?” “Don’t they care?” The issue is not whether others see or care. The issue is whether we see and care about ourselves. Often, when we are pointing a finger at others, waiting for them to have compassion for us, it’s because we have not fully accepted our pain. We have not yet reached that point of caring about ourselves. We are hoping for an awareness in another that we have not yet had. It is our job to have compassion for ourselves. When we do, we have taken the first step toward removing ourselves as victims. We are on the way to self-responsibility, self-care, and change. Today, I will not wait for others to see and care; I will take responsibility for being aware of my pain and problems, and caring about myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
17 Mar
March 16 Positive Energy It’s so easy to look around and notice what’s wrong. It takes practice to see what’s right. Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We’ve become skilled at labeling what’s wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery. We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation. Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own. So does positive energy. Each day, we can ask what’s right, what’s good—about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery. Positive energy heals, conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy. Today, God help me let go of negativity. Transform my beliefs and thinking, at the core, from negative to positive. Put me in harmony with the good. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
18 Mar
March 17 Empowering You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself. Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice. How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting ourselves and others. When someone tells us about a problem, what is our reaction? Do we believe we need to solve it for the person? Do we believe that that person’s future rests on our ability to advise him or her? That’s standing on shaky ground—not the stuff of which recovery is made. When someone is struggling through a feeling, or a morass of feelings, what is our reaction? That the person will never survive that experience? That it’s not okay for someone to feel? That he or she will never get through this intact? When a person is faced with the task of assuming responsibility for their life and behaviors, what is our response? That the person can’t do that? I must do it myself to save him or her from dissipating into ashes? From crumbling? From failing? What is our reaction to ourselves when we encounter a problem, a feeling, or when we face the prospect of assuming responsibility for ourselves? Do we believe in ourselves and others? Do we give power to people—including ourselves—and their abilities? Or do we give the power to the problem, the feeling, or the irresponsibility? We can learn to check ourselves out. We can learn to think, and consider our response, before we respond. “I’m sorry you’re having that problem. I know you can figure out a solution. Sounds like you’ve got some feelings going on. I know you’ll work through them and come out on the other side.” Each of us is responsible for ourselves. That does not mean we don’t care. It does not mean a cold, calculated withdrawal of our support from others. It means we learn to love and support people in ways that work. It means we learn to love and support ourselves in ways that work. It means that we connect with friends who love and support us in ways that work. To believe in people, to believe in each person’s inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others. Today, I will strive to give and receive support that is pure and empowering. I will work at believing in myself and others—and our mutual abilities to be competent at dealing with feelings, solving problems, and taking responsibility for ourselves. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
20 Mar
March 19 Staying Out of the Middle “I don’t want to get in the middle, but…” is a sign that we may have just stepped into the middle. We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people’s issues, problems, or communication. We can let others take responsibility for themselves in their relationships. We can let them work out their issues with each other. Being a peacemaker does not mean we get in the middle. We are bearers of peace by staying peaceful ourselves and not harboring turmoil. We are peacemakers by not causing the extra chaos created when we get in the middle of other people’s affairs and relationships. Don’t get in the middle unless you want to be there. Today, I will refuse to accept any invitations to jump in the middle of others’ affairs, issues, and relationships. I will trust others to work out their own affairs, including the ideas and feelings they want to communicate to each other. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
22 Mar
March 22 Letting Go of Being a Victim It’s okay to have a good day. Really. It’s okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track. Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think. We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim. We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way. We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us. We all have bad days—days when things are not going the way we’d like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization. It’s okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we’ll have more to enjoy. God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
24 Mar
𝕀𝕋𝕊 𝕆𝕂𝔸𝕐 🤍 𝔽ℝ𝔼𝔼𝔻𝕆𝕄, 𝕊𝔼ℝ𝔼ℕ𝕀𝕋𝕐 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕋𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔹𝔸ℂ𝕂 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ ℙ𝕆𝕎𝔼ℝ. March 23 Flack from Setting Boundaries We need to know how far we’ll go, and how far we’ll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere. —Beyond Codependency When we own our power to take care of ourselves—set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern—we may get flack from some people. That’s okay. We don’t have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves. We don’t have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don’t have to expect them not to react either. People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway. If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they’ll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That’s normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack. If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That’s okay. That’s flack too. We don’t have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we’ve decided we want and need to change. We don’t have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn’t deserve it. It will die down. Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
25 Mar
March 24 Appreciating Ourselves We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier. —Codependent No More It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves. We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly—feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not. We have a right to be here. We have a right to be ourselves. We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are. We are good enough, and deserving. Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good. We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be. That, my friend, is a wonderful gift. God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
26 Mar
March 25 Letting Go of Worry What if we knew for certain that everything we’re worried about today will work out fine? What if…we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we’d be grateful for that problem, and its solution? What if…we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best? What if…we had a guarantee that everything that’s happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest? What if…we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they’re intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don’t have to control or take responsibility for them? What if…we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way? What if…we knew everything was okay, and we didn’t have to worry about a thing? What would we do then? We’d be free to let go and enjoy life. Today, I will know that I don’t have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
27 Mar
March 26 Gifts, Not Burdens Children are gifts, if we accept them. —Kathleen Turner Crilly Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents. Sadly, many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them and to the Universe. Maybe our parents were in pain themselves; maybe our parents were looking to us to be their caretakers; maybe we came at a difficult time in their lives; maybe they had their own issues and simply were not able to enjoy, accept, and appreciate us for the gifts we are. Many of us have a deep, sometimes subconscious, belief that we were, and are, a burden to the world and the people around us. This belief can block our ability to enjoy life and our relationships with others. This belief can even impair our relationship with a Higher Power: we may feel we are a burden to God. If we have that belief, it is time to let it go. We are not a burden. We never were. If we received that message from our parents, it is time to recognize that issue as theirs to resolve. We have a right to treat ourselves as a gift—to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe. We are here, and we have a right to be here. Today, I will treat myself, and any children I have, as though we are a gift. I will let go of any beliefs I have about being a burden—to my Higher Power, my friends, my family, and myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Turtle
28 Mar
Join me in welcoming Elizabeth to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
30 Mar
March 29 Getting Needs Met Picture yourself walking through a meadow. There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There’s a fruit tree in full bloom. Pick what you need. Steps later, you notice you’re thirsty. On your right, there’s a fresh water spring. When you are tired, a resting place emerges. When you are lonely, a friend appears to walk with you. When you get lost, a teacher with a map appears. Before long, you notice the flow: need and supply; desire and fulfillment. Maybe, you wonder, Someone gave me the need because Someone planned to fulfill it. Maybe I had to feel the need, so I would notice and accept the gift. Maybe closing my eyes to the desire closes my arms to its fulfillment. Demand and supply, desire and fulfillment—a continuous cycle, unless we break it. All the necessary supplies have already been planned and provided for this journey. Today, everything I need shall be supplied to me. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
31 Mar
March 30 Experiment Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out. We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long. As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults. Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are. Some things we just won’t like. That’s good. Then we’ll know a little more about who we are and what we don’t like. Some things we will like. They will work with our values. They will work with who we are, and we will discover something important and life-enriching. There is a quiet time in recovery, a time to stand still and heal, a time to give ourselves a cooling-off time. This is a time of introspection and healing. It is an important time. We deal with our issues. There also comes a time when it is equally important to experiment, to begin to “test the water.” Recovery does not equal abstention from life. Recovery means learning to live and learning to live fully. Recovery means exploration, investigation, experimentation. Recovery means being done with the rigid, shame-based rules from the past, and formulating healthy values based on self-love, love for others, and living in harmony with this world. Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you won’t like it. Maybe you’ll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe you’ll discover something you love. Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
1 Apr
March 31 Finances Taking financial responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons. Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends—even if that means tackling a $5,000 debt by sending in $5 a month. Start where you are, with what you’ve got. As with other issues, acceptance and gratitude turn what we have into more. Money issues are not a good place to act as if. Don’t write checks until the money is in the bank. Don’t spend money until you’ve got it in your hand. If there is too little money to survive, use the appropriate resources available without shame. Set goals. Believe you deserve the best, financially. Believe God cares about your finances. Let go of your fear, and trust. Today, I will focus on taking responsibility for my present financial circumstances, no matter how overwhelming that area of my life may feel and be. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
2 Apr
April 1 Going Easy Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don’t have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace. Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life. Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough. Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter. Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is. Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment. Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
3 Apr
April 2 Facing Our Darker Side Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. —Step Four of Al-Anon By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving ourselves and others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love. We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events—buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about ourselves and others that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say: I’m not lovable…. I’m a burden to those around me…. People can’t be trusted…. I can’t be trusted…. I don’t deserve to be happy and successful…. Life isn’t worth living. We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt—earned and unearned—and expose it to the light. We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul-searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible. God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
6 Apr
𝕀 𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕒 𝕗𝕖𝕨 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤 🤍
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
7 Apr
April 5 Detaching in Love Detachment is a key to recovery from codependency. It strengthens our healthy relationships—the ones that we want to grow and flourish. It benefits our difficult relationships—the ones that are teaching us to cope. It helps us! Detachment is not something we do once. It’s a daily behavior in recovery. We learn it when we’re beginning our recovery from codependency and adult children issues. And we continue to practice it along the way as we grow and change, and as our relationships grow and change. We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don’t particularly care for. We separate ourselves, and our process, from others and their process. We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well. Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can’t let go completely, I’ll try to “hang on loose.” Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
7 Apr
April 6 Patience How sick and tired we may become of people telling us to be patient or to learn patience. How frustrating it can be to want to finally have something, or to move forward, and then not have that happen. How irritating to have someone tell us to wait while our needs have not been met and we’re in the midst of anxiety, frustration, and inaction. Do not confuse the suggestion to be patient with the old rule about not having feelings. Being patient does not mean we go through the sometimes grueling process of life and recovery without having feelings! Feel the frustration. Feel the impatience. Get as angry as you need to about not having your needs met. Feel your fear. Controlling our feelings will not control the process! We find patience by surrendering to our feelings. Patience cannot be forced. It is a gift, one that closely follows acceptance and gratitude. When we work through our feelings to fully accept who we are and what we have, we will be ready to be and have more. Today, I will let myself have my feelings while I practice patience. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
8 Apr
April 7 Those Old-Time Feelings I still have bad days. But that’s okay. I used to have bad years. —Anonymous Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as “soul-sickness.” Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we’ve begun recovery. Sometimes there’s a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness. Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason. A return to the old feelings doesn’t mean we’re back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we’ve failed at recovery. They do not mean we’re in for a long, painful session of feeling bad. They just are there. The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun. Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love. If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work. Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
9 Apr
April 8 Self-Care I don’t precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out. —Beyond Codependency Rest when you’re tired. Take a drink of cold water when you’re thirsty. Call a friend when you’re lonely. Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed. Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that we’re already pushed too hard. Many of us are afraid the work won’t get done if we rest when we’re tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe. They are well-timed, efficient, and Divinely led. Today, I will practice loving self-care. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Turtle
9 Apr
Join me in welcoming Iwona to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
10 Apr
April 9 Giving Learning to be a healthy giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving—charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligation, pity, and moral superiority. We now understand that caretaking and compulsive giving don’t work. They backfire. Caretaking keeps us feeling victimized. Many of us gave too much, thinking we were doing things right; then we became confused because our life and relationships weren’t working. Many of us gave so much for so long, thinking we were doing God’s will; then in recovery, we refused to give, care, or love for a time. That’s okay. Perhaps we needed a rest. But healthy giving is part of healthy living. The goal in recovery is balance—caring that is motivated by a true desire to give, with an underlying attitude of respect for ourselves and others. The goal in recovery is to choose what we want to give, to whom, when, and how much. The goal in recovery is to give, and not feel victimized by our giving. Are we giving because we want to, because it’s our responsibility? Or are we giving because we feel obligated, guilty, ashamed, or superior? Are we giving because we feel afraid to say no? Are the ways we try to assist people helpful, or do they prevent others from facing their true responsibilities? Are we giving so that people will like us or feel obligated to us? Are we giving to prove we’re worthy? Or are we giving because we want to give and it feels right? Recovery includes a cycle of giving and receiving. It keeps healthy energy flowing among us, our Higher Power, and others. It takes time to learn how to give in healthy ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Be patient. Balance will come. God, please guide my giving and my motives today. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Turtle
10 Apr
Join me in welcoming Amber to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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2 Replies
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Turtle
11 Apr
Join me in welcoming Rob to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
11 Apr
Join me in welcoming Marcus to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
13 Apr
April 12 Letting Go of Fear Picture yourself swimming—floating—peacefully down a gentle stream. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. Suddenly, you become conscious of your situation. Frightened, overwhelmed with “what if’s?” your body tenses. You begin to thrash around, frantically looking for something to grab on to. You panic so hard you start to go under. Then you remember—you’re working too hard at this. You don’t need to panic. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. You won’t drown. Panic is our great enemy. We don’t need to become desperate. If overwhelming problems appear in our life, we need to stop struggling. We can tread water for a bit, until our equilibrium returns. Then we can go back to floating peacefully down the gentle stream. It is our stream. It is a safe stream. Our course has been charted. All is well. Today, I will relax, breathe, and go with the flow. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
14 Apr
April 13 Enjoyment One of the prohibitions many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule Don’t have fun and enjoy life. This rule creates martyrs—people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of day-to-day living. Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. Now, we associate it with codependency. We can go through the day making ourselves feel anxious, guilty, miserable, and deprived. Or we can allow ourselves to go through that same day feeling good. In recovery, we eventually learn the choice is ours. There is much to be enjoyed each day, and it is okay to feel good. We can let ourselves enjoy our tasks. We can learn to relax without guilt. We can even learn to have fun. Work at learning to have fun. Apply yourself with dedication to learning enjoyment. Work as hard at learning to have fun as you did at feeling miserable. Our work will pay off. Fun will become fun. Life will become worth living. And each day, we’ll find many pleasures to be enjoyed. Today, I will let myself enjoy life as I go through my day. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
15 Apr
April 14 Perfectionism Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues. Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth. People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior. We can let go of both ideas. We do not need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they’re doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we’ll discover the beauty in ourselves. Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Turtle
15 Apr
Join me in welcoming Mara to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
17 Apr
April 16 Letting Things Happen We do not have to work so hard at gaining our insights. Yes, we’re learning that painful and disappointing things happen, often for a reason and a higher purpose. Yes, these things often work out for good. But we don’t have to spend so much time and energy figuring out the purpose and plan for each detail of our life. That’s hypervigilance! Sometimes, the car doesn’t start. Sometimes, the dishwasher breaks. Sometimes, we catch a cold. Sometimes, we run out of hot water. Sometimes, we have a bad day. While it helps to achieve acceptance and gratitude for these irritating annoyances, we don’t have to process everything and figure out if it’s in the scheme of things. Solve the problem. Get the car repaired. Fix the dishwasher. Nurse yourself through the cold. Wait to take the shower until there’s hot water. Nurture yourself through your bad day. Tend to your responsibilities, and don’t take everything so personally! If we need to recognize a particular insight or awareness, we will be guided in that direction. Certainly, we want to watch for patterns. But often, the big insights and the significant processing happen naturally. We don’t have to question every occurrence to see how it fits into the Plan. The Plan—the awareness, the insight, the potential for personal growth—will reveal itself to us. Perhaps the lesson is to learn to solve our problems without always knowing their significance. Perhaps the lesson is to trust ourselves to live, and experience, life. Today, I will let things happen without worrying about the significance of each event. I will trust that this will bring about my growth faster than running around with a microscope. I will trust my lessons to reveal themselves in their own time. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
20 Apr
April 19 Accepting Change The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places—time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath. But change is inevitable, and desirable. Sometimes, when the winds of change begin to rustle, we’re not certain the change is for the better. We may call it stress or a temporary condition, certain we’ll be restored to normal. Sometimes, we resist. We tuck our head down and buck the wind, hoping that things will quickly calm down, get back to the way things were. Is it possible we’re being prepared for a new “normal”? Change will sweep through our life, as needed, to take us where we’re going. We can trust that our Higher Power has a plan in mind, even when we don’t know where the changes are leading. We can trust that the change taking place is good. The winds will take us where we need to go. Today, help me, God, to let go of my resistance to change. Help me be open to the process. Help me believe that the place I’ll be dropped off will be better than the place where I was picked up. Help me surrender, trust, and accept, even if I don’t understand. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
21 Apr
March 26 Gifts, Not Burdens Children are gifts, if we accept them. —Kathleen Turner Crilly Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents. Sadly, many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them and to the Universe. Maybe our parents were in pain themselves; maybe our parents were looking to us to be their caretakers; maybe we came at a difficult time in their lives; maybe they had their own issues and simply were not able to enjoy, accept, and appreciate us for the gifts we are. Many of us have a deep, sometimes subconscious, belief that we were, and are, a burden to the world and the people around us. This belief can block our ability to enjoy life and our relationships with others. This belief can even impair our relationship with a Higher Power: we may feel we are a burden to God. If we have that belief, it is time to let it go. We are not a burden. We never were. If we received that message from our parents, it is time to recognize that issue as theirs to resolve. We have a right to treat ourselves as a gift—to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe. We are here, and we have a right to be here. Today, I will treat myself, and any children I have, as though we are a gift. I will let go of any beliefs I have about being a burden—to my Higher Power, my friends, my family, and myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
21 Apr
April 21 Waiting Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait. We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something—anything now, but that action is not in our best interest. Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it’s time, means we may have to go back and redo it. If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait. In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action—a positive, forceful action. Often, waiting is a God-guided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, ill-timed decision. We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it’s time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today. Deal with the panic, the urgency, the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions. Waiting isn’t easy. It isn’t fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not deadtime; it is not downtime. The answer will come. The power will come. The time will come. And it will be right. Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Tropical Fish
22 Apr
Hi I don't know where to start reading all these... Pls help
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
22 Apr
April 22 Coping with Stress Inevitably, there are times of stress in our lives, no matter how long we’ve been in recovery. Sometimes, the stress is outside or around us. We’re feeling balanced, but our circumstances are stressful. Sometimes, the stress is within; we feel out of balance. When the stress is external and internal, we experience our most difficult times. During stressful times, we can rely more heavily on our support systems. Our friends and groups can help us feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of our stressful conditions. Affirming that the events taking place are a temporarily uncomfortable part of a good, solid plan can help. We can assure ourselves that we will get through. We won’t be destroyed. We won’t crumple or go under. It helps to go back to the basics—to focus on detachment, dealing with feelings, and taking life one day at a time. Our most important focus during times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances, we are better able to be there for others, if we’re caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable? Self-care may not come as easily during times of stress. Self-neglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of ourselves always works. Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can’t be benefited by taking care of myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
24 Apr
April 23 Opening Ourselves to Love Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery. Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be there for us, but at the high price of our freedom. Love was given, or withheld, to control us and have power over us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because we lived with people who had no real love to give. At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. Where do we go with it? What do we do? Who can give us love? How can we determine who is safe and who isn’t? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves? We will learn. The starting point is surrender—to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love. We may need to get angry first—angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have shown us what we don’t want, the ones who have assisted us in the process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into our life to love us. We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Be glad. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us. Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the Universe, and our Higher Power send our way. Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself. Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
27 Apr
April 26 Resisting Negativity Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent-up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns. Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we’re struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it’s okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves. We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them. Today, God, help me to know that I don’t have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity, even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it’s okay to take care of myself. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
28 Apr
April 27 Letting Go of the Need to Control The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems. —Codependent No More Letting go of our need to control can set us and others free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us. If we weren’t trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently? What would we do that we’re not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say? What decisions would we make? What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes? If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control another person’s behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now? What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we’ve been doing that we’d stop? How would we treat ourselves differently? Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better? If we weren’t trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, then do it. Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Victoria ClarkeCoach
29 Apr
April 28 Anger at Family Members Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage—anger that seems to go on year after year. For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive—mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually—by certain family members. It is important to allow ourselves to feel—to accept—our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined. We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom. Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness. Think loving thoughts, think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be. At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time. Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves. Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us. Trust that a healing is taking place, now. Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on me and my family. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package. Quoted from the app Language of Letting Go. Find recovery resources at Hazelden.
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Turtle
2 May
Join me in welcoming Melissa to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
10 May
Join me in welcoming Hayder to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
10 May
Join me in welcoming Wade to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
28 May
Join me in welcoming Gabby to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
3 Jun
Join me in welcoming Amanda to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
5 Jun
Join me in welcoming exspiravit Nemo to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
8 Jun
Join me in welcoming Sarah to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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Turtle
Thursday
Join me in welcoming Natalia to show your support. Reply and say hi 😊
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